Have you ever disagreed with someone about what was said or what happened at an event, and both of you were sure you were right? It’s frustrating, confusing and more common than you might think.
Most of us trust our memories. But research shows they’re not always as reliable as we believe. Our brains can be influenced by what we see, hear or are told afterward, changing how we remember the past.
This is known as the misinformation effect, and it happens more than we realize.
We spoke with Richard D. Lane, MD, PhD, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist with Banner - University Medicine, to learn more about this phenomenon and ways to protect your memory.
What is the power of suggestion?
A small word choice, an image or a question can change how we remember something. For example, hearing “Did you see the broken headlight?” instead of “Did you see a broken headlight?” might lead you to believe there was damage, even if there wasn’t.
“Memories aren’t like books on a shelf that don’t change over time,” Dr. Lane said. “Memories are always being created in the moment. A specific word or image choice can affect how a memory is reconstructed.”
New information, emotions or outside opinions can sneak in and shape memory. This is known as memory distortion and it’s a normal part of how our brains function.
We see this play out in everyday life:
- Headlines and rumors shape what we think we remember.
- Family photos and videos replace the original memories over time.
- Social media posts may influence how we recall events we weren’t even part of.
And none of it means you’re making things up. Your brain is just trying to make sense of the story.
Why memory changes over time
We often imagine memory as a video we can rewind. But it’s more like a puzzle we piece together. It can be a slightly different puzzle every time.
“The reason we have memory is to help us better adapt to future situations,” Dr. Lane said. “We are constantly building and refining mental models of how the world works. When things change, it is useful for our mental models (composed of memories) to be updated.”
That means:
- Every time you remember something, your brain fills in missing pieces.
- Strong emotions or outside opinions can shape how those pieces fit.
- Over time, repetition or suggestion can “rewrite” parts of your memory.
This is normal. But it can be tricky, especially in emotional or stressful situations.
“We need to remember what is important to us, and emotion or stress can be a physiological marker of that importance,” Dr. Lane said. “This emotional signal can shape both what we remember in the moment (encoding) and what we recall later on (retrieval), making emotional memories feel especially vivid or convincing—even if they’ve changed over time.”
For example, when you are in a good mood, you are more likely to recall happy memories. When you are sad, you are more likely to recall sad memories.
Who’s most affected by suggestion?
We are all susceptible to memory distortion. But some people are more likely to be influenced by suggestion, including:
- Children, whose memories are still developing
- Older adults, whose recall may be less sharp
- Anyone under stress, tired or emotionally overwhelmed
“Misremembering is more likely to occur if the memory wasn’t strong in the first place, and there is competing information that needs to be ignored,” Dr. Lane said.
Everyday examples of memory distortion
Memory suggestion isn’t just something researchers talk about. It happens in real life all the time.
Examples include:
- Misremembering the details of a family argument
- Confusing a dream or story with a real memory
- Believing a health claim you saw online (even if it wasn’t accurate)
- Adopting someone else’s version of events after hearing it repeated
- Remember what you saw in a video, not what actually happened at the time
Even shared false memories (like the Mandela Effect) are examples of how groups of people can misremember the same thing.
And yes, even people of different sexes can remember the same moment differently. “Women tend to have more fine-grained emotional memories,” Dr. Lane said. “Whereas men tend to recall more of the gist.” These natural differences can lead to tension if we expect perfect agreement.
How to protect your memory
While you can’t completely stop memory from being influenced, you can take steps to support and protect it. Here are a few things you can do:
- Pause before reacting: The way someone frames a question can shape how you recall things. Take a moment to process before responding.
- Don’t rush to agree: If someone remembers something differently, pause and consider their perspective. You can say, “That’s not how I remember it,” instead of assuming you’re wrong.
- Write things down: Journals, calendars, voice notes — anything that captures your thoughts when the event occurred – can help you compare memory at a later time with your experience of the original event.
- Talk openly with your family: Let your kids and loved ones know that memories can shift. It’s a great way to model empathy and reduce tension in future disagreements.
- Practice mindfulness: Slowing down and staying present helps your brain store memories more clearly. Even just a few minutes of deep breathing or quiet reflection each day can be beneficial.
- Think critically: Just because something is repeated doesn’t mean it’s true. “It can be difficult to determine what is accurate and what is misinformation,” Dr. Lane said. “The most important habit is to view new information critically and to check things out for yourself.”
- Take care of your mental health: Good sleep, healthy meals, daily movement and breaks from stress help the brain form stronger memories. Reduce distractions and give yourself time to reflect to help memories settle more clearly.
Why memory mix-ups matter
Your memory plays an important role in:
- Making health decisions
- Solving family conflicts
- Understanding past trauma
- Feeling confident in your choices
When memory gets twisted by suggestion, it can lead to confusion, anxiety or even conflict with loved ones. You may start to question yourself or others more than you need to.
When to reach out
If you often find yourself confused, stressed about your memory or struggling to agree with others about past events, talking to a specialist can help.
A licensed mental health provider can help you:
- Understand what’s within normal limits and what’s not
- Learn how emotions shape your memories
- Process past events without judgment
- Gain tools to manage stress and stay focused
Final thought
Your memory isn’t a fixed record of your life. It’s a living, changing part of you. And that’s okay.
By understanding how suggestion influences memory, you can take some of the pressure off. You can trust your experiences, stay open to others and take care of your mind along the way.
If memory struggles are causing stress or affecting your relationships, you don’t have to push through alone.
Banner Health offers compassionate behavioral health support for adults and families. Whether you're dealing with stress, anxiety, or something you can’t quite name, our care teams are here to help. Schedule an appointment today.
